Multiple choice test for those on the cusp of their 60s

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Inspired by Amy Kay Poetry

1.     Parenting feels like:

a.     A season of “Survivor” set in a swamp in the Everglades, teeming with underwater reptiles

b.     An endless non-stop parade, with dancing animals, floating balloons of Disney characters, candy, and confetti, set to the theme of “Frozen” on repeat

c.      A no-hitter baseball that is headed into extra innings, with no pitchers left in the bullpen

d.     The new roller coaster at Six Flags, with the corkscrew motif and the steep ramp at the end that leaves you hanging upside down for 10 consecutive seconds before taking you backward to do the whole thing in reverse

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2.     Anxiety is the new _____

a.     Cold brew

b.     Burberry plaid

c.      Saturn return

d.     Common denominator

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3.     Aging: Expectations as

a.     Mass: Speed

b.     Stick: Carrot

c.      Treadmill: Hamster

d.     Rain: Parade

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4a.     Match the items in Column A with the items in Column B (summer edition)

Digital scale	Air conditioning
Chardonnay	Bank Balance
AI	Sleep
Bird feeder	Grilled chicken
Family vacation	Salad dressing
Sex	Blood pressure

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4b.     Match the items in Column A with the items in Column B (winter edition)

Digital scale	Hot water heater
Pinot Noir	Bank balance
AI	Sleep
Christmas tree	Roasted chicken
Dinner party	Butter
Sex	Blood pressure

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5. Reading Comprehension

“This is just the human condition, being constantly pounded by a tsunami of regrets over never having things we never wanted in the first place. But in spite of it all – the aging body, the stack of bills to pay, the apps on my phone clicking at me, the emails flooding in, the alarming headlines, the heavy rocks in my backpack, the bowling ball on my hip, the specter of death hovering right around the corner – I am still here, welcoming a new beginning, saying goodbye to the tunnel we’ve just been through and feeling the promise of hope once again.  And I have to admit, it feels pretty good.”

The writer is being:

a.     Honest

b.     Ironic

c.      Depressed

d.     Contradictory

e.     None of the above

f.      All of the above